In a delightful display of wit and humor, one woman has captured the hearts of conservatives across the nation with her letter to a prominent maxi pad company. Wendi Aarons, a proud resident of Austin, Texas, recently penned a missive to Proctor and Gamble, showering praise on their innovative feminine hygiene products while injecting a healthy dose of conservative values into her witty remarks. Her hilarious letter has since become an internet sensation, earning her the esteemed title of PC Magazine’s 2009 Editors’ Choice award-winner for the best email correspondence.

With an unmistakable flair for comedic storytelling, Wendi’s letter strikes a chord with women who value traditional virtues and appreciate the significance of certain features in their monthly routine. As a long-time user of ‘Always’ maxi pads, she expresses gratitude for the LeakGuard Core and Dri-Weave absorbency, acknowledging their role in allowing her to partake in activities like horseback riding, salsa dancing, and leisurely strolls along the beach. However, it is the revolutionary Flexi-Wings that truly steal the show, as Wendi humorously highlights the importance of aerodynamics in ensuring comfort and confidence during those challenging days.

Here’s Wendi’s full letter:

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’

Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull. And that’s a promise I will keep.


Wendi Aarons

Austin, TX

In a world where political correctness often dominates public discourse, Wendi Aarons stands out as a refreshing voice, unafraid to inject humor and conservative values into unexpected places. Her letter serves as a reminder that even in the realm of feminine hygiene, there is room for lightheartedness and a celebration of traditional virtues. By daring to challenge the status quo and speak her mind, Wendi has become a champion for those who believe in the strength and resilience of women.