In the whirlwind of modern motherhood, where juggling a successful career with the demands of childcare can feel like a never-ending tightrope walk, Shona Sibary’s experience serves as a poignant reminder of the challenges many working mothers face.
It was a day like any other when Shona found herself conducting a phone interview with a high-profile celebrity, surrounded by the comforting familiarity of her home. Her six-month-old daughter, Flo, was placed in a door bouncer, an attempt to keep her entertained while she tackled her work. Little did she know that this seemingly simple setup would unravel into a defining moment in her life as a working mother.
Minutes turned into hours, and the phone call that was supposed to be brief stretched on endlessly. Meanwhile, baby Flo, once content in her bouncer, grew increasingly restless and vocal about her displeasure. Desperation settled in as Shona grappled with the dilemma of her maternal instincts versus her professional commitments.
In a last-ditch effort to concentrate on the call, Shona moved to another room, hoping to put some distance between herself and her distraught child. But the cries of baby Flo only grew louder, pulling her heart in two different directions. After what felt like an agonizing eternity, Shona finally returned to find Flo asleep, albeit precariously suspended upright from the door frame, her tiny face moist with tears.
This heart-wrenching incident left Shona pondering how many other working mothers had walked a similar tightrope, wrestling with the guilt of prioritizing their careers over their children.
The controversy surrounding working mothers and their children in diapers escalated when Miriam Cates, a Member of Parliament, pointed fingers at them for the increasing number of youngsters starting school in nappies. Her remarks came at a challenging time, following a rain-soaked half-term and with Christmas looming ahead. Cates seemed to lay blame squarely at the feet of working mothers, seemingly disregarding the role of fathers in parenting.
During her speech at the Alliance For Responsible Citizenship conference, Cates argued, “Consider the rising number of young children who start schooling in the UK still wearing nappies… potty training can be a daunting task, and this becomes increasingly challenging when our GDP-driven economy pushes even mothers of young children back into the workforce.”
While Shona disagreed with parts of Cates’ comments, she couldn’t deny the challenges of toilet training. By the time her fourth child, Dolly, arrived, Shona had grown weary of this aspect of parenting. Her commitment to her career often took precedence, and she contemplated returning to work to escape it. Thankfully, their au pair stepped in to assist, taking a laissez-faire approach that involved letting Dolly roam half-naked in the garden, contributing to the lawn’s hydration.
As her youngest child, born in late August, began school at four, night nappies were still part of the routine. Shona admitted her role in this, acknowledging that her career sometimes took precedence over dedicating her days solely to potty training. Looking back, Shona realized that her willingness to delegate certain parenting tasks coincided with her recognition of the need for outside help.
While she was open to delegation, Shona recognized that neither au pairs nor nurseries could replace her level of dedication to parenting. Many working mothers she knew fought valiantly to be present for every aspect of their children’s development. Shona, however, attributed her different approach to managing four children through teething, weaning, and potty training.
She also recalled her French mother-in-law’s disapproval when she discovered the delay in her grandchildren’s potty training. French babies, it appeared, were promptly placed on potties from birth. But Shona’s husband, Keith, never considered taking on the potty-training challenge.
Convinced that their demanding careers during their children’s early years would have strained their marriage without outside assistance, Shona recognized the unique challenges faced by working mothers. Despite the opportunities to work, these women often bore the brunt of household responsibilities, especially when the day ended with lunchboxes to be emptied and laundry to be done.
For many working mothers, school provided a welcome respite, simplifying childcare arrangements and easing feelings of guilt. Shona wondered if her perspective might have been different had she embraced a more hands-on approach from the beginning, devoting her days to less demanding activities like crafting with Play-Doh.
As she sent her four children off to school with spare pants and a touch of guilt, particularly for Dolly, who clung to her dummy until the last possible moment, Shona understood that motherhood was far from simple. It was a complex journey filled with moments of guilt, love, and sacrifice that mothers navigated to the best of their abilities.
Shona acknowledged that her self-perceived shortcomings as a mother continued to tug at her heartstrings, even as her children prepared to face the challenges of the world. However, amidst the chaos of motherhood, she found solace in the fact that, apart from the occasional mishap, her children were no longer wetting their pants—a testament to the joys and trials of motherhood.
